At New Transitions Counseling Center, it’s not unusual for our clients to express that they feel their partner just doesn’t really care anymore. Life gets busy, and it can be easy to accidentally take your partner for granted. In order to foster a deeper and more meaningful relationship, it’s important to show your partner that you care every day. This doesn’t mean that you need to go the way of the grand romantic gesture. In fact, it’s better to show your appreciation and affection through small, random acts of kindness. The trick is to determine what gestures will resonate most with your love by determining their love language.

Learn Their Love Language

Relationship counselor Gary Chapman coined the term “love language” in his book, The Five Love Languages. The idea is that everyone fits in one of five categories in terms of expressing and understanding emotional love. You and your partner can take the quiz and find out your love languages so you can each know how to best show that you care.

Words of Affirmation

When your spouse’s love language is words of affirmation, they express and best receive affection through verbal praise or appreciation.

Ways to Show You Care

  • Send them a random text message during the day and tell them how much you care about them
  • Leave them a post-it note in the morning telling them to have a good day
  • Tell them that you love them every day

Acts of Service

People with this type of love language appreciate it most when you do things for them rather than express your love with words.

Ways to Show You Care

  • Take care of a chore they don’t like doing
  • Help them with a project they’re working on
  • Give them a ride to work

Receiving Gifts

If your partner has this love language, they feel most loved when they receive gifts. However, this doesn’t mean you have to break the bank to show you care.

Ways to Show You Care

  • Surprise them with flowers or their favorite coffee
  • Make them a gift using your talents (e.g. paint them a picture, build them a table, write them a poem)
  • Put time and effort into thinking of thoughtful gifts for the holidays

Quality Time

People whose love language is quality time feel most loved when they receive undivided attention.

Ways to Show You Care

  • Turn your phone on silent when you’re spending time together
  • Set aside time for a “date night” every week
  • Take some time to do a hobby you share, or take an interest in one of theirs

Physical Touch

If your partner’s love language is physical touch, they feel loved when you are physically intimate, whether through sex or just an intimate pat on the back.

Ways to Show You Care

  • Give them a back rub at the end of a long day
  • Make sure to hug and kiss them when you say goodbye
  • Hold hands while you walk

Are you struggling to express affection in your relationship? It may be time for couples therapy. At our counseling center in Palatine, we would be happy to help you reopen the lines of communication and reconnect with your partner. Contact us today to get started.